His eyes squinted behind his enormous glasses that rested on his red cheeks covered in a somewhat academically graying beard. He was a picture, indeed, of scholarship. A turtleneck, a tweed sportcoat with leather elbow pads, an office wall covered in support of unions and fundraisers. His British accent sang words like "controversy" with emphases that made it sound like a foreign word--all amidst words like 'rubbish' and other vocabulary Americans can't pull off.
"Um," I stuttered, "I guess it depends on how you define 'fundamentalist'."
I hesitated, worrying that, by claiming my husband was a fundamentalist, Dr. Fitter would respond that it is impossible for us to believe this obscure Old Testament law or another. I worried I wouldn't be able to explain such a detail and how it molds with our general understanding of the Bible. I just knew that he was capable of quoting Ezekiel, while I still mixed up the order of Romans and Acts. Or Acts and Romans. My fears proved to be unfounded.
"Your husband doesn't believe foolish nonsense like Adam and Eve actually existed, does he?" His tone was desperate that myself, a 'smart girl' he respected, hadn't married such an imbecile.
"Um... ha. Actually... we-- yes. Dr. Fitter, we believe the Bible is true."
"No, no, no," he laughed, because, surely, I jest. "You don't believe it's 'timeless' and 'inerrant' and all of that."
I insisted I did. And the next two hours were a blur as everything my life is founded on was shat upon in the politest possible manner. Evidence and years of Bible scholarship filled the room more than I'd ever heard at church or at the dinner table or even Cedarville. He laid out blatant contradictions in even the Bible's first chapters. He insisted that no civil, 'remotely educated' people really believed in Creationism, and he physical evidence denouncing the authority of the Bible was not subtle, nor was it insignificant. I was amazed to discover that, for all intents and purposes, the evidence is on their side. 'Them'--the people a place like Cedarville was supposed to teach me how to oppose. These thoughts whirled around in my head as Fitter's theory of 'progressive revelation' began to sink in. The hours flew by in a thrill--I love learning things that have never occurred to me--and I flew to the train in a rush.
When I got on the train for the long ride home, I stared out the window into the dark. Suddenly, everything felt hollow. The only thing that ever helps me when I'm down--prayer--seemed to fail me at the moment, and, for the first time, I wondered exactly who was listening. I stared harder out the window, trying to look past my furrowed eyebrows in the reflection, but all I saw was dark.
4 comments:
I like the title to this. I haven't even read it yet. I'm about to, but the title was so amusing that I just wanted to comment on it.
Brandon and I have been talking about very similar topics lately. Let's talk sometime.
Um, hi Heather. This is Matt M., we went to high school together, I kind of just stumbled upon this by accident perusing facebook and I felt I needed to comment.
I myself am agnostic, but I would never begrudge anyone else their faith. It doesn't matter whether I believe that religion X is crap or religion X feels that I'm damned or whatever. Taking potshots at someone's faith is tasteless and wrong.
Faith is just that, faith. Whether it's your faith in the bible or my faith in an unknownable something or your professor fellow's faith in the fact of no god (I'm assuming from his vehemence he's atheistic). And you can't logic faith into being or away. We believe or we don't.
For him to kick dirt on your beliefs was cheap. A kind of pseudointellectual bullying that borders on philosophical oppression. The joy of our age is that we can share ideas and not have to kill each other because we don't wear the same hats. He just proved that he was incapable of existing on that more enlightened level.
But then, a lot of people are like that, on both sides. Anyone who will tell you that what you believe is wrong and that what they believe is better than you is practicing the worst kind of act. It's hateful and prideful and destructive to all it touches. It's the dogma of cultists and violent schools of thought.
So you're right to be upset. I don't have an easy solution, other than ignoring his attitude (because in the end, we can only be compassionate to others and what we believe is what we believe) but I do commend you for sticking to your guns. Having a faith, especially a Christian one in certain centers of learning, is not easy.
I agree with Literary Rock Star. It was absolutely wrong of him to shit on your beliefs no mater how politely. I don't think it's such a terrible thing for us all to understand this world we live in from many different perspectives. But educating people on other perspectives doesn't happen by merely telling someone what they believe is wrong. I also don't see how that moves any of us forward in a positive direction. Though my beliefs most likely fall on the side of "them" i would be quite wary of those who so vehemently disregard anothers faith. Or worse, dare to insist they know something so surely about the great mystery about the beginning of this world. From my experience, people who are that sure, stopped listening a long time ago.
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