"Heather, one day you will crap your pants, and I will be there to see it."
You see, I was upset, and he was trying to make me feel better.
My plans for pad thai were brilliant, and only slightly squelched when I saw that we only had one egg; I must not have gotten the memo. But when I went to pull it out, I saw it was broken and leaking. Okay, no eggs for the pad thai. The noodles needed to soak, but since we haven't yet gotten our Target coupon to use gift cards to purchase our cookware, we're stuck with a giant kettle that looks like its only use should be apple-bobbing; the noodles couldn't soak in such a giant pot. And then Mike was running late from work (he'd stopped at the store to pick up my favorite school supplies for my first day), so the chicken cooked a good fifteen minutes longer than it should have. He came home to me looking at chopsticks with a pout; the dinner was barely edible.
Bring on the tears, the breaking of chopsticks, the 'FINE, what DO you want then?" like it was him and not me that had rendered them inedible on the first bite. We ate leftovers from three nights before, and Mike sang its praises through each bite like a saint who knows what's good for him.
Later, on the couch, I had an epiphany.
"You're always here to see my stupid things," I whined. "I'm used to being alone and getting lost or burning something or breaking it, then thanking God no one saw. I feel like I can't keep up with your ridiculous streak of never screwing up when I'm making mistakes all the time right before your eyes."
That's when Michael informed me that, one day, whether when we can't find a bathroom in Europe (I assured him this would never cause what he claimed) or when we're eighty years old in a ranch-house, I would soil myself. And he will be there to see it. And he will not laugh. Until later when I approve it on all counts.
Buried in my husband's armpit talking about crapping my pants, I had another significant thought:
I am madly, madly in love.
3 comments:
Just you wait Heather Colletto...its the ones who appear perfect who are really saving it up for a good, red as a beet in the face producing messup. Perhaps HE is the one who shall soil himself in Europe...so just you wait, it will be worth it.
I agree with Sarah. It's far more likely that I shall soil myself in Europe. Don't you fear.
"it" will probably happen in labor. (said the snarky older sister. older siblings can turn anything into, "just you wait...") the possibility of soiling myself in labor is another reason i'm glad i ended up with a c-section. know why most people say c-section? no one knows how to spell cesarean.
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